Sunday, October 13, 2013

Back in the Saddle

Yesterday my baby girl turned 4.


How on earth did that happen so darned fast? For her birthday she got to take a fun filled trip to COSI (we were already in columbus with my husband on business) COSI has to be the coolest museum for children i have ever seen. They had a special exhibit with Curious George on top of the already fantastic exhibits they normally have. We got up early and went to breakfast then spent the entire day exploring. We left when they closed... At 5pm. On Friday. In downtown Columbus traffic. The freeway was horribly backed up. The normally less than 2 hour drive took us almost 5 (we did stop for an hour to eat)

Somewhere on the windblown freeway in 80 degree heat the little colds we had mutated  into something awful. Aubrey started spiking fevers of 103. I was dizzy and exhausted. Matt couldnt breathe. by the time we got home we were all a hot mess. It seems to be clearning up a little so hopefully the virus has run its course. Now that im finally home i need to get back into my routine.

Ive been getting alot of scrapping done lately thanks to challenges. I just learned i need to push thru what is blocking me. If I absolutely hate it I give my self permission to rip it to shreads, hide it where nobody can see it and rescrap the pictures. Im also playing a game where i pull a random kit/paper pack out of my closet and pretend i have to do something for a design team project. Its helping me use papers that have been sitting a long time.

I created this layout for the Bird is the Word challenge blog prompt DANCE!, for the Red Carpet studio bicentennial man challenge (use metal) and for the Birds of a feather birthday crop challenge BALLOONS.

My pictures arent the greatest atm as its a new learning curve. My beloved scanner bit the dust so at the moment im using the iphone4 to snap layout pictures on my front door. A cloudy day like today washes everything out. I made the little lollipop flower out of a pair of old jeans. the smaller pink circle was dyed using alcohol ink. Papers are cosmo cricket delovely.

I also made a card last night. The first on in well over 2 years. Of course I used one of my favorite little ODD girls.

Im entering her into the following challenges:
Birds of a feather crop yellow on a birthday card
4craftygirlz anything goes
MilkCoffee spots and dots
papertake weekly  Two by Two (2 patterned papers and 2 word sentiment)

Happy Sunday :)

Thursday, October 03, 2013

*Tap tap tap* is this thing on?

It's been over 2 years since I disappeared from the crafty world. A rough 2 years at that.

It started with my computer blowing up. Shortly after that my mojo started to wither away. Challenges, design teams and online scrappy friends were always a good motivator for me. My creative spirit went into hiding. It hurt.

5 months later I finally was able to connect again. I started looking back into things when the local government changed and my husband (and all department heads) lost his job. I found myself having to work at a job that I hated in order to help support my family. I was working 2 jobs for awhile. After a few months of looking he took a crappy sales job that would at least pay bills. That lasted for 4 months. The other salesmen had picked his territory clean while they were looking to hire someone. With no customers (and they wouldn't let him leave office to get new ones) it was impossible to meet sales quotas. We were right back where we started. 

A week after he lost his job I found out I was pregnant. I was both extremely happy and terrified. I continued to work a lot while my husband continued to job hunt and watch my daughter. Things were going well until I had my anatomy ultrasound at 18 weeks. 

The dr called me a few days later to tell me that there were a few abnormalities wth the ultrasound. He was measuring only 15 weeks and there was a herniation around the umbilical cord. She scheduled me a higher level ultrasound with a MFM specialist. The 2nd ultrasound at 20 weeks showed a small heart defect. They recommended I have an amnio because of the multiple defects.

It was just a few weeks before christmas that they called me to tell me my son had a chromosonal condition called trisonomy 18. She pretty much told me there was no chance he would survive. Only1% of babies that are born with the condition make it to their first birthday. 

I was willing to fight and to continue to give my son every minute he was able to live. My husband and I disagreed with this. It wasn't that he didn't love our family but to be honest I think some things arent real to men until the baby is born. Things that were very real to me weren't real to him. It became almost like he was in denial that I was even pregnant. We fought all the time. I just kept working aand holding tight to my 3 year old for comfort.

I continued to carry and love my son for 12 more weeks. I was alone at the Drs appointment when they told me he had already passed. Deep down I knew before I went in as the activity I had loved had slowed a few days prior. I had no choice but to deliver. He was born with his angel wings on February 23rd. I named him Brodie after my grandmother.

 I completely shut down and to be honest I do not remember much of December 2012 thru May 2013. I'm just now coming out of the depression I went into afterwards. Things are starting to look up a little and I'm trying to get back to doing things for me. Crafting and scrapping were a big part of that. I feel like I'm ready to scrap the few memories I have of my son. I feel like I've missed most of my daughters 3rd year and I feel the need to document her growing up. 

I'm starting and revamping my blog so I can do challenges and enter contests and maybe to start designing again. Honestly I'm quite thankful I still have 240 followers after being gone so long. If you are reading this... Thank you.